Emo all over? Or just tired

Seems I havent felt this way in a long time.
It took me awhile to get over a phase i had roughly 3 weeks ago. It involved falling for someone and yes, three weeks later, I feel out of it. I no longer have that twinge of pain or any stabs of sudden emotions anymore. Feelings took a rather flat turn as i suddenly became impasse and emotionless for a while.

Today, it hit me like hammer smashing my nuts.

A sudden wave of loneliness and the whole feeling of being unwanted washed over me. I sat for hours in my new arm chair in my freshly redesigned room ( a way of pampering myself) wondering and thinking. What did i ponder over? Right now i forgot. But even then, there is a wave of loneliness still crushing my spirit, the feeling of being unloved, the entire fact that when i wake up tomorrow morning, there is no one to think "I'm in love with Aaron." and none for me to say so as well.

I sound, selfish and desperate. But then again i dont care. The perfect girl never existed. The perfect girl only becomes perfect when you adapt to her. The perfect girl only exists when you set out to make all her flaws seem beautiful to you. People try to matchmake me again and again. As i give them sarcastic and pained smiles, they have no idea of the screaming that goes on inside me.

Do you seek to taunt me by introducing multiple girls to me, breaking the pure sanctity of doing things and searching for the right girl one at a time. If multiple girls ever worked, I'd just be having sex with every other girl and declaring the one who did the best perfect. That is what matchmaking is comparative to. There are those with good intentions and those with nothing better to do. For both your sakes, please. Stop.

Why do I seek companionship? I do not know. I just know the feeling of not-being wanted is more painful than any other emotions to have. The feeling of being heartbroken measures not because when you are heartbroken, you realise how much you have lost. But when you realise you are unloved and unwanted, you realise, or dont realise, how much you are losing day by day. As the Earth completes a revolution, so finishes a day where all your love has gone to nothing.

Love find me soon for my belief wears thin.
Aaron