Spending money, punches and a waiters costume

Dear Mings Pub,

I know i shouldnt be advertising, but perhaps, you gave me one of the most...how do i say, productive nights of my life.

Depression had sort of set in and i went down to Mings. Why its Mings i dont know, i never see any mings running the joint, only Muthus and Mohammeds, but plenty of mings around drinking and hollering. I sat down and the bargirl, ok her name is Helen. She isnt much to look at but she has a heck of a personality. She could be all "Hey! Youre in!" or a death stare if you tried anything stupid. I walked in and plonked down in my usual barstool-in-the-corner. I felt hot and cold and i felt really really hot in the eyes. Tears would fall but they wouldnt come. I said quietly to Helen...

Conversation
Aaron: Jacks.
Helen: Celebrating? But i guess not judging from your ugly frown. smile now.
Aaron: (*smiles weakly*) Jacks.
Helen: Right your way tigerboy.
Helen returns with a bottle and shots a glass.
Aaron: Leave the bottle love.
Helen: *raises eyebrows*
Aaron: Leave the fuckin bottle.
Helen: (laughs) Nasty.
Aaron: (Shrugs) Sorry i dont feel so hot tonight.
Helen: (Stows bottle next to Aaron) Right boy right.

After which she calls Fern. I never knew his real name but he runs the joint and i eyed the usual regulars. Fern sat down to talk to me since i was a regular anyway and soon i was tellin him almost everything that was crawling up my ass. He offered solutions, compared life to drinks while I compared them to glasses. He said "You are, the cabernet sauvignon. Its glamourous and high class to be with you and drink you. But you must understand that only some people like you. Most drink you just to be cool." That was perhaps one of the most sensible comments i had heard in a long time.
I had sighed and said "Im a shot glass Fern. Im only good for letting people shot down heavy drinks. Im small but i pack punches. But then again, im only good for that arent I? Making a impact and never anything else. Im never the beer glass which makes you all wild and crazy. Nor the wine glass which makes you look all classy."

The conversation had stopped short at this point. There were a bunch of noisy punks not five feet away. Garbled vulgarities spewed forth like water. My nerves had trembled. I shot a glass of Jacks and walked over. I offered it to one the guys. As he chugged down the drink with a self-satisfied smile, my fist connected with his cheek sending him stumbling to the ground. As he hit the floor, my other first struck his cheekbone, cracking my fingers.( So they swelled up to sausages an hour later but hell. Its just a sprain) I was soon surrounded by angry punks only to have their asses hauled out of the bar pell mell.

Fern was calm but he looked stern. He told me I was never to do that again. I nodded. I ordered a second bottle of Jacks and told him to let them in. They came back in with murder across their faces. I pushed the bottle to them and told them on me. Before they could make a self righteous retort i answered quietly " Either you accept that bottle and we'll call it quits and make peace. Or i beat your ass with this bottle. Every single one of you." i dont know what made me say that. Call it built up anger i guess.

Soon we were pouring and drinking and yapping joined even by the joker i slammed. Comparing my swollen fingers to his bruised cheek was something everyone laughed at. It was later when 3 young ladies walked in. I decided to try something with them. I threw on a waiters costume and walked over "Ladies what would you like? Anything. On the house" That had brought some raised eyebrows as they ordered their drinks. I returned with a wobbly tray and unprofessionally served them the liquids. As they opened their purses, I shook my head and laughed "On me ladies." After which i stripped off the waiters costume and took a bow. The look on their faces was something. They wanted to reject the drinks after which I said "All there is to see here is an honest bloke welcoming you to a pub with no strings attached. Be nice." I looked at them sternly and they burst into a fit of giggles saying i looked like an angry chipmunk. Good going.

Thank you Mings.
Aaron