would it seem personal?

Im listening to La Vida by Copyright.
Somehow no matter how down or in the junkboats I am, it always makes me rock a bit feeling a lot better, seeing its one of my favourite tracks to hear in a club.

I have always prided myself in being slightly less than personal when it comes to people nowadays. People who deserve to see who i really am, sees who i really am, otherwise they see an ingeniously choreographed act of personality.

I have told myself not to write a letter of a high personal level here. But it hasnt been easy. Ounces of myself i want to pour out. Stuff that i couldnt say infront of many. Now is the time. Perhaps as i say the word pour, the person i address this to, shall be called, Jar.

Dear Jar,

I beg of you not to crumble under the quantity and intensity i pour into you. It becomes a heavy burden on my chest. I beg of you, to relieve this, as i write out to you.

I hasnt been easy, juggling school and work at the same time. My eyes are shadowed and bagged. My hair is drying up and my skin is terrible. What is becoming of me? While superficial looks are something to be kept at minimal sometimes, i worry whats more is my gradual degradation on my inside. Not insides, like guts, but more like, character. I wonder, as my temper flies, my mouth spouts with inconsiderate remarks and most of them time, i do what they call a "sapra" at school. Where people walk by waving hi, and i walk on, not noticing them. Deliberate or accidental? I know not.

School touches the tip of my problems. Well not say problems. Perhaps its more displeasures. Im losing my senses in a way. I've lost the way i used to communicate with people. Perhaps it was due to my last...girl i guess, that ive become short-tempered and more dismissive. I used to empathise. Now my feelings are directed at only those who really matter to me. Names listing? My 3 best buds in the world. Lizzy. Abby. Skye and Wai. My windows on the chat are on these 7 every chance i get. Everytime i see them online, its straight to them. Heart open, wanting nothing but to know more or get to know how they are now. But perhaps recently for all of them, im fading. Im losing contact with my 3 best buds cos of army and perhaps its just me being nosy or pushy. My best friends are fading away.

Its not everyday perhaps that girls ask me out. Which is why perhaps i accept so easily. Claire asked me out after 2 years of silence. Even if it was just a meal with her and helping her search for her presents, i was happy to oblige. Abby booked a date with me on friday to go to a chocolate buffet, one which i decided that i would bum her a treat because we've been friends since...forever. Sisters more like. Eleanors been bugging to meet me but with the lack of intellect and depth in her speech and talk, i doubt it would be anything more than a mental flush if i went out with her.

I sound like a braggart. No im not. Im simply wondering why my conscience pricked whenever i went out with a girl. Well not that i know or i would find a way to suppress it. Oh well.

Oh look, "Im on my way by Phil Collins." happy song goody.
I need cheer up.

Oh i cant be fucked about that,
Aaron